1014 Elmwood Ave

About This Home

*****IF YOU SEE THIS AD UP THAT WOULD MEAN IT STILL AVAILABLE****Are you ready to upgrade your living situation from “meh” to “magnificent”? This house is calling your name! For just $1200/month (plus utilities, because the electric company insists), you can experience life in a home that's got more character than your favorite TV sitcom! Home Features: 3 Bedrooms: Spacious enough for you, your significant other, and that collection of dusty exercise equipment you promise you'll use someday. 1 Full Bath: Freshly equipped with a brand new tub enclosure and faucet so shiny, you’ll need sunglasses. Rubber ducky not included. High Ceilings: At 9 feet high, you can finally practice your slam dunks or just enjoy never having to duck under a doorway again. Hardwood Floors: These polished beauties make your vacuum cleaner feel useless (it’s not personal, Mr. Dyson). New Windows Upstairs: The perfect vantage point for squirrel watching. Enjoy the great outdoors without the pesky pollen. Neighborhood Perks: River Greenway: Located right outside your front door, it’s ideal for joggers, walkers, and anyone avoiding eye contact with the local geese. Lakeside Rose Gardens: A lovely spot for those romantic “Oh look, a flower!” moments. Close to Downtown: Far enough to avoid downtown traffic but close enough to pretend you live in the hustle and bustle. Important Notes: No Section 8: The landlord’s rules, not ours! Showings: Open house only. Come as you are – pajama pants are acceptable attire (for guests, not for residents). Pets: Small pets under 30 pounds are considered. Your goldfish, Mr. Bubbles, is welcome, but your pet elephant will have to find other accommodations. No Smoking/Vaping: Our home is a smoke-free zone. Bonus points if you can blow bubbles instead. Details to Ponder: Square Footage: 1,642 sq ft of pure potential! (Not counting the unfinished basement, which is perfect for storing things you don’t want to admit you own.) Appliances Included: Range, fridge, and dishwasher – because washing dishes by hand is so last century. The Fine Print: Application Fee: $45 per adult, because every dream has a price (and this one funds our coffee addiction). Security Deposit: $1200 – a small price to pay for not having to listen to your neighbor’s karaoke attempts. Credit Approval & Background Check: We won’t judge your Spotify playlist, but we do need to check everything else.